Friday, March 6, 2009

Husbands Left Unattended....

I saw this sign in a store and I think we really need one for husbands. I'm refraining from posting my idea since this is a PG site though, lol.

I have decided there are several different types of male shoppers.

The Agressive Shopper: He's the guy that cuts off everyone in their path, total tunnel vision. He knows what he wants and pretty much knows the general location of where to find it. He's the guy that cuts off little old ladies to get to it first too.

The Aisle Keeper: This is the guy that blocks the aisle while his wife reads the ingredients on all of the boxes of cereal. He's protecting her time away from home and will not tell her someone else is waiting to get through, this is his precious wife's place right now. And everyone will have to wait or go around.

The Frustrated Shopper: He's the guy that has no idea where anything is and will grumble and murmur under his breath that the store never carries what he's looking for and will never ask anyone where to find it. He will return home and just tell his wife they were out.

The Frightful Shopper: He's the guy that looks like he's about to toss his cookies. He's also probably the guy that passed out at his own child's delivery. Definately out of his comfort zone.

The Ignorant Doofus: He's the one completely oblivious to anyone around him. He ignores the traffic rules of the stores, he just goes down the middle of aisle. He doesn't notice anyone else around him either and if he does discover someone else in his aisle, he believes they can wait until he's done. This guy sometimes takes longer than necessary just to tick off other shoppers.

The Resident Dwellers: These are the funniest guys ever. They should be paid to be door greeters because they are always there. They even know your schedule because they are very observant. They can also remind you what you need when you forget your list. We've all seen them sipping their coffees and chatting it up with each other, they usually reside in pairs.

The Pick Ups: Live-With-Their-Moms-Still-Desperate-For-Dental-Work-Just-Hoping-To-Get-a-Smile-From-Someone-With-Boobs

The Purse Holder: This is the grumpy guy holding his wife's purse while she tries on clothes. He is bored beyond belief. Don't interupt though because he'll lose his temper when he loses count of how many tiles are on the ceiling.

The Impatient Dude: He'd rather circle around the parking lot until his wife is done that actually find a spot.

The List Keeper: He's the dude reminding his wife not to deviate from the list. And he'll catch a glimpse of everyone else's list he passes too.

The Old Timers: These guys are different than the Resident Dwellers. These are the guys that make you giggle as they discuss among each other, usually near sporting goods or the garden center, about all their aches and pains. Also great gossip holders! They're pretty funny to listen to.

Shopping. Walmart. Friday afternoon. Whoops.


Natalie said...

Ha ha! I Loved that!

My husband would be classified as the impatient one, the one who stands with the cart orbiting the store with the kids until I have gone through every aisle. Needless to say, I'll be shopping alone today. He hates to go grocery shopping with me.

I love your blog!

Kristin said...

So, that was very enlightening! I must say that you are very much more observant than I am. I must be too preoccupied shopping to notice all of those male shoppers. :) Trying to categorize Craig...probably the closest is the ignorant doofus, although he is definitely not maybe just the doofus part! Todd, if you are reading this, don't tell Craig! :)

Fleming Family said...

I'm still laughing! That is the funniest thing about those darn male shoppers I've ever read! You should submit it somewhere to make your million! My favorite is the Frustrated Shopper. My husband is the Impatient Dude, merely so we don't have to take all the kids into the store with us. :)

Tamara said...

ROTFL! Yep, yep, yep. You left one out, though. Alex is none of the above. He is the Cool Dad who gets the few items I put on the list and then fills up the rest of the cart with junk the kids love (he is included among the kids) that I would never get for them. He volunteers to go grocery shopping for me b/c he knows when he brings home all that junk I will be so grateful he was the one running to the store and not me that I won't mind.