Friday, February 2, 2007


I've suffered from depression and anxiety probably long before I was diagnosed back in 1988. At that time the drug of choice along with talk therapy was Deseryl. I'd fall asleep in my night classes and so I ended up dropping half my classes and several months later dropped the pills too. Then my grandfather was murdered in a robbery attempt and my body decided sleeping was no longer necessary, I had anxiety attacks so bad I would pass out, and I couldn't seem to get my thoughts to slow down. It wasn't a SAD depression, but I was in a state that talk alone wouldn't help.

Well, the 90's welcomed Prozac. That helped along with the anti-anxiety drug, Klonopin. I didn't feel like I was going to fall asleep all day. The best "cocktail" for my new diagnosis of depression and post traumatic stress disorder(ptsd) consisted of the two drugs and talk therapy, and life was good again. I weaned off Klonopin first, then the Prozac, and life was back to normal, whatever that was. In 1992 I was pregnant with my first when my sister was killed in a car accident. These traumatic events cause my body to go into a physical state of depression. After Mermaid was born I was able to go back on Prozac to get me through a "re-balancing" of my own chemicals. Once again the Prozac really helped.

Off and on through the years I've had to take the Prozac for a few months at a time, I also delve back into the things I should be doing anyways, like studying my beliefs and seeking out the comforting verses that answer my questions, also getting away from processed food and eating whole foods, re-evaluating what kinds of activities I'm participating in in my "down" time(watching too much t.v., being on the computer too much, etc...), exercising, and just getting more sunshine(holy cow that makes a difference!). But the Prozac didn't seem to be as effective and I ended up giving up on it pretty quickly. I started feeling more melancholy with each treatment and the side effects were beginning to suck the life out of our marriage.

Recently I had another ah-ha moment and so my new Dr. prescribed Lexapro. I'd heard great things about it and it's easy to go off of(not like Paxil which I don't think I would ever try) so I started off at a low dose. The first week I was nauseated the whole time, I was already told this was probably the most notable side effect. I wasn't short tempered anymore though and I was able to blow off things that bugged me, I wasn't offended as easily on this new little pill. But, once again it sucked the zing out of my marriage(and the bedroom). The melancholy was worse than ever. It was supposed to help me want to do the things I enjoy, but instead I just felt like crawling into bed all day, food even tasted blaw to me, nothing was working. It was a low dose(10 mg.) so it was easy to just stop.

The next week I was talking to Mr. D about how much better I was feeling being off of it. He's enjoying some of the perks too so he was pleased that I was off it too. The kids have all commented(they are not aware I was on anything for depression) on how I seem like I'm just in a better mood the last 2 weeks. That I've been playing more with them, I've been more talkative(that's hard to believe) and that I've actually been getting dressed each day. I had been pretty much showering and then just putting new jammies back on, I was even neglecting my favorite calling in church, Enrichment Leader. I also added since I quit taking Lexapro, SAM-e, I thought it would help with my joints and foot pain, and it has, but the most noticable effect from SAM-e has also been the mood enhancing effect. It's in the vitamin section of most stores. And at bed each night I'm taking a concoction of multi-vitamins. I walk 3 miles a few days a week and this has helped too.

It's not my intention to ever tell anyone what they should do with their depression, these are just some of the experiences I have had. I researched the Lexapro at great lengths before even talking to my Dr. about it, and I just happened to inherit some of the rare side effects of the drug. I'm grateful for a husband who cares so much about me, and that understands depression and isn't afraid to tell me I should talk to my Dr.

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